In the End - version 1

[Elfëa]

This is Work In Progress, but I thought I could post it anyway
Also posted at my lj (which won't be linked here because of language and R rated stuff)

Moderator's note: This was originally two threads dealing with the same subject. Version 2 of In The End was posted before Version 1, just to avoid any confusion.:)



Also planned to post

F/F pairing WARNING! :)

In the End
Version 2

In the end she’ll kiss her again.

Now she stands and faces her stare. The other girl’s eyes are soft brown and severe – waiting for an answer.

The question was never spoken.

It’s cold on the parapet; the wind is blowing from north. She shivers. The other girl doesn’t move - her face is cloaked in the shadow of her winter cloak, her eyes now cold as the moon.
She steps down on the floor again.

***

A moment ago.

It feels like ages. She has been waiting in the tower for her to come.

She is alone in the tower. Waiting, she is not sure will she come? She doesn’t believe, but hopes. She is afraid. Her fingers play on her hair, braiding it on small braids, then releasing it again.

She stands on the parapet, facing the sky. It will rain soon.

***

Now.

The cold wind pursues the clouds and herds them towards south. Towards warmth. She stares up in the sky and thinks. How wrong everything can go.

The moon springs out from under the clouds and she hears the howls from the forest. It’s the Hunter’s Moon.

The other girl looks away and she cannot see her eyes, glittering slits under the darkness of the cloak. She closes her eyes, pretending not to care, not to see.
But she can still hear. The descending steps on stone. She’s leaving; she knows. When the door closes, she swallows her breath.

She doesn’t want it to end like this.

***

Another night. Month ago.

As she remembers it:

She has been reading in the tower again. The night is bright and chilly; she wears her winter clothes. The stars look kindly down on her as she gathers her books closer. Somewhere behind the corner she can hear a couple-in-love murmuring in their hide-away-place.

Love. Sometimes she hates love. It hurts. It makes you silly. It makes you lose control. She has tried to learn how to control it. But Books About Love are silly and they teach her nothing new.

She is failing. There has not been anything she hasn’t been able to master by time. Time. Love. She cannot master them.
Most of the time she is in love.

She can hear someone coming up the stairs. That could mean trouble and she gets up, hiding her books in a shadowy corner.
A figure comes up the stairs and opens the door. Moonlight plays on the flames of her hair. She knows her and is scared.

The other girl doesn’t see her first and she hesitates.
Her heart jumping, she must hear it beating, she reveals herself from her hiding.

***

The memory of that night comes back to her now. So different from tonight.

Her hopes have come to end. Dreams are long gone.

Slowly she packs her bag and leaves the tower.
There will be tomorrow. This is not the end.

It rains.

***

It is the end and she cannot care.

Will they miss her? Her books and knowledge? The cleverness that has saved them so many times. She doubts.

She lost her hope on a stormy night when the wind shepherded her dreams with the clouds. She hasn’t returned to the tower after that.

The steps are high but she springs them up. Perhaps it’s fool to be eager to face the end, but for once she wished for fool. Cold night air hits her as she opens the door.

Without looking she walks one and steps on the parapet.

She does not look down but up, over the lake and the forest, to the star full night sky. If she were able to read the stars, would her destiny be on them?

The stars shine bright.
In the end does it matter?

***

She falls and never hits the ground.

Eternity is but moment in space.

***

She lies still on the stone floor.

She can hear her friends talking. They pulled her down in time, she hears them say. In time, she wonders.

Is in time in the end?

***

Near the end is her voice. She can hear it. Like she has heard it everyday for 6 years; she loves the sound of her voice. Like stream in the spring, it has the life of a new morning.

The Girl She Loves comes to her now and kneels by her side. Others are arguing (Whose fault is this?) in the background and she has slipped away without notice.

The girl speaks to her in slow tone, so the others don’t hear. Heart rejoicing over the words she hears she opens her eyes.


***

The end is not the dark or the light. In the end there are lovers lips tied together by the bounds of fate.

In the end she kisses her again.

-fin-

[Elfëa]

This is weird story as I actually wrote two different stories about the same title. And characters.

And, yes, it's Slash again. Now, press back button if you don't like the idea or feel unable to cope with it. ;) Nah, just kidding.
It seems it's only thing that I can write as PG ;) (Yes, I do write het pairings, but, they're R... ;))

In the End
Version 1

In the end she kisses her again, but now isn’t the time. Now she stares the other girl, wondering what’s going on in her mind.
The other girl’s cheeks are flushed – the wind blows her hair; turns in to a tangled mess. She doesn’t seem to care.

They do not look at each other, but gaze at the walls, the entrance and the open sky above them. She keeps looking at the constellations – the zodiac - Twins, Cancer, Leo, Virgin, Libra, Scorpio… For long now she has spend her nights alone in the tower, and she knows every single star by name now. Being top of her Astronomy class does help.

There is magic in the night air. Wild magic. Natural magic. Magic that cannot be controlled, and she lets it float in her body. She has done this time and time again – letting the magic take control. But it never does – and she controls the magic instead.

The other girl keeps shooting glances at her, and she doesn’t know what to think. There is a rosy scent in the air – she can smell it coming from the girl. She loves the smell – like the fresh roses that grow in her parent's garden in the summer.

She remembers her lips on hers, not so long ago. She can still feel the girl’s touch on her lips. A gentle lingering kiss – a stolen moment in time. She’s afraid of what the other girl might say. But she has to ask.

Hesitating, she speaks her name. “Ginny,” she says and the other girl lowers her gaze from the stars. Her brown eyes glimmer softly in the moonlight. Their eyes lock, and she hesitates. But she does not need to speak out the question – it’s there, lingering in the air with the smell of fresh roses.

Ginny does not answer, and she looks up the sky again, trying to stop the tears. But they come anyway.

She sits down, and Ginny looks at her. To her surprise she does not walk away, but sits down next to her. She now remembers last summer at Burrow, how Mrs. Weasley had the girls gather with her on Midsummer night’s eve. How she taught them a spell that reveals their loves to them in their dream during the night.

Before she went to bed she chanted the spell. But she did not dream of Ron and was disappointed. In the morning she had to lie to Mrs. Weasley that she did not dream at all. Mrs. Weasley eyed her ever so suspiciously after that.

She remembers who she dreamed of and turns to Ginny, who is now half-pretending-asleep against the wall. The night is filled with rosey scent, and somewhere in the forest the birds sing. She places her hand on Ginny’s chin as she presses her lips against Ginny’s.

The other girl slaps her.

“You’re drunk, Hermione,” she says and stands up rapidly, her red hair in flames around her pale face. Ginny has grown taller during Hermione’s seventh year. She remembers her second year and Ginny with Tom Riddle’s diary. Sometimes she can see the darkness still in her. Like now.

Hermione stands up – she's almost as tall as Ginny – her robes are disarranged and tears flood down her face. Ginny is about to say something, but Hermione steps back and falls of the tower.

The air is full of rosey scent, and she keeps falling. The moment feels eternity, and she loves eternity. But in the end the ground catches the fallen.

Eternity has no end. It hurts when the fall comes to end.

The pain of not being loved back hurts much more.

[lithorose]

Okay, the following is kinda long and tough critique: please don't get mad at me.:)


"They do not look each other, but gaze the walls, the entrance and the open sky above them."
-'They do not look at each other, but gaze at the walls...'

"Wild magic, natural magic."
-'Wild magic; natural magic' -or- 'Wild magic. Natural magic.'

"She has done this time and time again – letting the magic take control. But it never does – and she controls the magic instead."
-this does not quite make sense.

"...like the fresh roses that grow in her parents garden during summer."
-parent's
-during summer sounds a bit odd, perhaps in the summer?

"Hesitating, she spokes her name."
-speaks

"..she says and the other girl lovers her gaze from the stars."
-lowers

"They do not look each other, but gaze the walls, the entrance and the open sky above them. She keeps looking at the constellations..."
-'look at[b] each other; gaze [b]at[b] the walls'
-Not sure what this is called in grammar, but the shift between 'they' and 'she' is a little weird.

I'm a little confused: is the whole story told from Hermione's point of view? Or does it jump back and forth?

"She now remembers last summer at Burrow, how Mrs. Weasley [b]has the girls gather with her on Midsummer night’s eve. How she teaches them a spell that can reveal their love to them in their dream that night.
Before she goes to bed she chants the spell. But she does not dream of Ron and is disappointed. In the morning she lies to Mrs. Weasley that she did not dream. Mrs. Weasley eyes her suspiciously after that."Verb tenses! They should be in the past tense since it's a memory.

'She now remembers last summer at [the] Burrow, how Mrs. Weasley had the girls gather with her on Midsummer night’s eve. How she taught them a spell that could reveal their loves to them in their dream that night.

Before she went to bed she chants the spell. But she did not dream of Ron and was disappointed. In the morning she lied to Mrs. Weasley that she did not dream. Mrs. Weasley eyed her suspiciously after that.'

"She remembers now who she dreamed of and turns to Ginny, who is now half-pretending-asleep against the wall. The night is filled with rosy scent and some where in the forest the birds sing."

"Hermione stands up – almost as tall as Ginny now – her robes are disarranged and tears flood down her face now. Ginny is about to say something but Hermione steps back and falls of the tower. "
-disarranged isn't really a word; at least not one that I've ever heard. Messy, disordered, rumpled, wrinkled, but not disarranged. It's kinda quirky though in a good way:)
-um, the last part. It's a very abrupt change in tone; I don't think it's supposed to be comedy but it comes across that way.:o
-'almost as tall as Ginny'...shouldn't it be more like: 'Ginny was taller than her now'? Because Hermione was taller first, Ginny is surpassing her.

"The air is full of rosy scent and she keeps falling. The moment feels eternity, and she loves eternity."
-rosey; felt like eternity.
"But in the end the ground catches the fallen.
Eternity has no end. It hurts when the fall comes to end."
-this part's confusing me (easy to do).

Okay, feel free to trout me!

[Elfëa]

fishes for the trout

what? :confused: You said I can trout you?

I knew I should have read it better through... ;)

felt like eternity.

but that's past tense - it's supposed to be in present! Gah. ;)

Now, I'm going to edit it... :p

edit: I edited it a bit. Also added about 20 commas.
There is a shift in register - it starts of as extradiegetic narrative, but shifts as Hermione becomes the focalizer. (She's not, however, the narrator. And in the end it kind of blurs back to totally extradiegetic.
And what else? Can't remember... :p