Haldiriell
07-22-2005, 06:43 AM
Title: WHEX, Wizard Radio
Author: DantanaSkywalker
Rating: G
Genre: Humour
Summary: The wizarding world gets a radio show
Author's Notes: A little bit of insanity . . . If you want me to continue, I'll do more of these "shows", but you've gotta let me know. All song lyrics are identified within.
--Show #1--
DJ: Welcome to WHEX, Wizard Radio, broadcasting on the brand-new Wizard Radio Network! I'm Simon Stevens. If you're just tuning in, we're taking calls from our listeners, talking about life, love, and magic, using our special Ministry-sanctioned fellytone- I'm sorry, telephone network. Let's go to our next call. Who'm I talking to?
Caller #1: Er . . . H-Harry.
DJ: How ya doin', Harry?
Caller #1: I'm . . . trapped in my bedroom. So I'm listening to this.
DJ: Why are you trapped in your room, Harry?
Caller #1: 'Cause my aunt and uncle hate me. They're Muggles, and . . . they don't like wizarding stuff.
DJ: Well, glad you're tuning in! You got a question?
Caller #1: Yeah . . . Everyone thinks I like this one girl, but I don't, really. I mean, she's my friend, but she's not my girlfriend. And I can't get them to stop. Calling her that, I mean.
DJ: Well, Harry, there's really not much you can do about what other people think. Unless you're using the Oblivious charm or the Imperius Curse, ha ha ha. Not that I suggest that. I'm afraid you'll just have to tough it out. Snog a couple girls who aren't this friend . . . that might settle 'em. You got a request?"
Caller #1: . . . Sure. Um. Could you play "Don't Let Me Get Me", by Pink?
DJ: Suuuuuure can! Thanks for calling!
***
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
Wanna be somebody else
***
DJ: And it's time for our next caller! You there?
Caller #2: Yes, this is Luc- Ah, Luke.
DJ: Okay, Luke. Where you calling from?
Caller #2: England. Are you a Muggle-born? Can't you tell from my accent, you blithering American?
DJ: Geez, man, no need to get so uptight! You call for something or not?
Caller #2: For your information, I have a dedication to make. I'd like "Missing You" by John Waite.
DJ: And you're dedicating it to . . . ?
Caller #2: Uh . . . Voldie. From Luke to Voldie.
DJ: Oooookaaaay . . . Thanks for calling. Voldie, if you're out there listening tonight, Luke's thinkin' aboutcha. Here's "Missing You".
***
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time just thinking about you
And it's almost drivin' me wild
And there's a heart that's breakin'
Down this long-distance line tonight
I ain't missin' you at all
Missing you
Since you been gone away
I ain't missin' you
No matter what I might say
***
Announcer: For the finest publications in the wizarding world, visit Flourish and Blott's, in Diagon Alley, London. We carry everything you need, from your child's first spellbook to those hard-to-find classics. From now until the 31st, get seventy-five-percent off all publications by Gilderoy Lockhart!
DJ: Aaaaaaaaand . . . we're back! What about that Gilderoy Lockhart, huh? I remember when women all over the wizarding world were just going crazy over that guy. I hear things aren't going too well for him right now, though. Seems that while he was teaching at the world-famous Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry, poor guy had some terrible accident and ended up in St. Mungo's! Never really liked him much, but I'll tell ya . . . that set of Lockhart books on my shelf makes the ladies fall all over me. Go figure. So let's get back to the phones, huh? Who'm I talkin' to?
Caller #3: Ron.
DJ: And what're you doing tonight, Ron?
Caller #3: I'm studying for school. Because Mum won't let me and my brothers play Quidditch at night anymore.
DJ: And why's that, Ron?
Caller #3: 'Cause my brothers tried to use Filibuster's Fireworks to light the field, and they set it on fire.
DJ: Uh, well, I'm afraid I'd have to side with your mother on that one, Ron. You got somethin' you wanna talk about? Girls, sports, anything at all.
Caller #3: Well . . . there's this girl at school . . . I really like her, but I don't know how to get her to notice me.
DJ: That's a tough one. Have you tried the Gilderoy Lockhart approach?
Caller #3: . . . No.
DJ: You don't sound too enthusiatic, there, Ron.
Caller #3: That's because Gilderoy Lockhart's a poncy git. He was my teacher, I should know.
DJ: Okay, fair enough. Back to this girl thing. How long have you known this girl?
Caller #3: A couple of years . . . I've known her since we were eleven. Well, she was ten. Almost eleven. we have a lot of the same classes . . . I just don't know how to tell her how I feel.
DJ: I've found that it's always best to talk. And to give her stuff. Women like that stuff for some reason.
Caller #3: Okay.
DJ: How about a song? You wanna dedicate anything to this mystery girl?
Caller #3: Um . . . yeah. Could you play *mumble*?
DJ: Didn't catch that, sorry.
Caller #3: "You Don't See Me" by Josie and the Pussycats. And, erm, dedicate it to, er, Hermy?
DJ: Can do. One Josie and the Pussycats song coming right up. Good luck, Ron!
***
I dream of worlds
Where you'd understand
And I dream a
Million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends
Nothing but good friends
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
***
Announcer: Ah, the warm, buttery taste of a rich, foamy butterbeer. Is there anything better? For the best butterbeer in the world, try Madam Rosemerta's butterbeer, available at The Three Broomsticks, in Hogsmeade.
DJ: Welcome back. We've got time for one more call before the end of the show. Our next caller's been on the line since the commercial break. Hermione, how are you tonight?
Caller #4: Contemplating strangling the last caller.
DJ: Uh . . . Why is that?
Caller #4: Why can't boys figure out to talk to girls? Why did he have to go on a radio show?
DJ: Ah, I take it we're talking with "Hermy".
Caller #4: It's HERMIONE! And yes, I'm assuming he only meant me, because he's the only one . . . well, besides Harry, who knows about . . . the Hermy . . . thing. Ronald Weasley, if you're listening, I'm going to turn you into a toad the next time we meet! You are so stupid!
DJ: Uh, we've got another call coming in . . .
Caller #5: Hermione!
Caller #4: Ron! What do you think you're doing, calling a radio station?!
Caller #5: I . . . was calling for advice, Hermione!
Caller #4: You don't need advice, you idiot! You are so blind! And here I thought you were starting to get the point! Argh!
DJ: Now, let's not start calling names-
Caller #5: I'm sorry if I don't understand anything that's said directly to my face! What point are you getting at, Hermione?
Caller #4: If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm certainly not telling you on the radio!
Caller #5: Fine!
DJ: Oh, looks like Ron hung up. Do you have a song-
Caller #4: Oh, I don't care! Pick something!
DJ: Well . . . that's it for tonight's show . . . Please join us tomorrow night on WHEX, Wizard Radio. I'll leave ya with a little Britney Spears. Here's "Toxic". Good night!
***
With a taste of your lips
I’m on a ride
You're toxic I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
***
To be continued . . .
(And I apologise profusely for the Spears, I had to leave it on something . . . )
Dana
Author: DantanaSkywalker
Rating: G
Genre: Humour
Summary: The wizarding world gets a radio show
Author's Notes: A little bit of insanity . . . If you want me to continue, I'll do more of these "shows", but you've gotta let me know. All song lyrics are identified within.
--Show #1--
DJ: Welcome to WHEX, Wizard Radio, broadcasting on the brand-new Wizard Radio Network! I'm Simon Stevens. If you're just tuning in, we're taking calls from our listeners, talking about life, love, and magic, using our special Ministry-sanctioned fellytone- I'm sorry, telephone network. Let's go to our next call. Who'm I talking to?
Caller #1: Er . . . H-Harry.
DJ: How ya doin', Harry?
Caller #1: I'm . . . trapped in my bedroom. So I'm listening to this.
DJ: Why are you trapped in your room, Harry?
Caller #1: 'Cause my aunt and uncle hate me. They're Muggles, and . . . they don't like wizarding stuff.
DJ: Well, glad you're tuning in! You got a question?
Caller #1: Yeah . . . Everyone thinks I like this one girl, but I don't, really. I mean, she's my friend, but she's not my girlfriend. And I can't get them to stop. Calling her that, I mean.
DJ: Well, Harry, there's really not much you can do about what other people think. Unless you're using the Oblivious charm or the Imperius Curse, ha ha ha. Not that I suggest that. I'm afraid you'll just have to tough it out. Snog a couple girls who aren't this friend . . . that might settle 'em. You got a request?"
Caller #1: . . . Sure. Um. Could you play "Don't Let Me Get Me", by Pink?
DJ: Suuuuuure can! Thanks for calling!
***
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
Wanna be somebody else
***
DJ: And it's time for our next caller! You there?
Caller #2: Yes, this is Luc- Ah, Luke.
DJ: Okay, Luke. Where you calling from?
Caller #2: England. Are you a Muggle-born? Can't you tell from my accent, you blithering American?
DJ: Geez, man, no need to get so uptight! You call for something or not?
Caller #2: For your information, I have a dedication to make. I'd like "Missing You" by John Waite.
DJ: And you're dedicating it to . . . ?
Caller #2: Uh . . . Voldie. From Luke to Voldie.
DJ: Oooookaaaay . . . Thanks for calling. Voldie, if you're out there listening tonight, Luke's thinkin' aboutcha. Here's "Missing You".
***
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time just thinking about you
And it's almost drivin' me wild
And there's a heart that's breakin'
Down this long-distance line tonight
I ain't missin' you at all
Missing you
Since you been gone away
I ain't missin' you
No matter what I might say
***
Announcer: For the finest publications in the wizarding world, visit Flourish and Blott's, in Diagon Alley, London. We carry everything you need, from your child's first spellbook to those hard-to-find classics. From now until the 31st, get seventy-five-percent off all publications by Gilderoy Lockhart!
DJ: Aaaaaaaaand . . . we're back! What about that Gilderoy Lockhart, huh? I remember when women all over the wizarding world were just going crazy over that guy. I hear things aren't going too well for him right now, though. Seems that while he was teaching at the world-famous Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry, poor guy had some terrible accident and ended up in St. Mungo's! Never really liked him much, but I'll tell ya . . . that set of Lockhart books on my shelf makes the ladies fall all over me. Go figure. So let's get back to the phones, huh? Who'm I talkin' to?
Caller #3: Ron.
DJ: And what're you doing tonight, Ron?
Caller #3: I'm studying for school. Because Mum won't let me and my brothers play Quidditch at night anymore.
DJ: And why's that, Ron?
Caller #3: 'Cause my brothers tried to use Filibuster's Fireworks to light the field, and they set it on fire.
DJ: Uh, well, I'm afraid I'd have to side with your mother on that one, Ron. You got somethin' you wanna talk about? Girls, sports, anything at all.
Caller #3: Well . . . there's this girl at school . . . I really like her, but I don't know how to get her to notice me.
DJ: That's a tough one. Have you tried the Gilderoy Lockhart approach?
Caller #3: . . . No.
DJ: You don't sound too enthusiatic, there, Ron.
Caller #3: That's because Gilderoy Lockhart's a poncy git. He was my teacher, I should know.
DJ: Okay, fair enough. Back to this girl thing. How long have you known this girl?
Caller #3: A couple of years . . . I've known her since we were eleven. Well, she was ten. Almost eleven. we have a lot of the same classes . . . I just don't know how to tell her how I feel.
DJ: I've found that it's always best to talk. And to give her stuff. Women like that stuff for some reason.
Caller #3: Okay.
DJ: How about a song? You wanna dedicate anything to this mystery girl?
Caller #3: Um . . . yeah. Could you play *mumble*?
DJ: Didn't catch that, sorry.
Caller #3: "You Don't See Me" by Josie and the Pussycats. And, erm, dedicate it to, er, Hermy?
DJ: Can do. One Josie and the Pussycats song coming right up. Good luck, Ron!
***
I dream of worlds
Where you'd understand
And I dream a
Million sleepless nights
I dream of fire when
You're touching my hand
But it twists into smoke
When I turn on the light
I'm speechless and faded
It's too complicated
Is this how the book ends
Nothing but good friends
'Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
***
Announcer: Ah, the warm, buttery taste of a rich, foamy butterbeer. Is there anything better? For the best butterbeer in the world, try Madam Rosemerta's butterbeer, available at The Three Broomsticks, in Hogsmeade.
DJ: Welcome back. We've got time for one more call before the end of the show. Our next caller's been on the line since the commercial break. Hermione, how are you tonight?
Caller #4: Contemplating strangling the last caller.
DJ: Uh . . . Why is that?
Caller #4: Why can't boys figure out to talk to girls? Why did he have to go on a radio show?
DJ: Ah, I take it we're talking with "Hermy".
Caller #4: It's HERMIONE! And yes, I'm assuming he only meant me, because he's the only one . . . well, besides Harry, who knows about . . . the Hermy . . . thing. Ronald Weasley, if you're listening, I'm going to turn you into a toad the next time we meet! You are so stupid!
DJ: Uh, we've got another call coming in . . .
Caller #5: Hermione!
Caller #4: Ron! What do you think you're doing, calling a radio station?!
Caller #5: I . . . was calling for advice, Hermione!
Caller #4: You don't need advice, you idiot! You are so blind! And here I thought you were starting to get the point! Argh!
DJ: Now, let's not start calling names-
Caller #5: I'm sorry if I don't understand anything that's said directly to my face! What point are you getting at, Hermione?
Caller #4: If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm certainly not telling you on the radio!
Caller #5: Fine!
DJ: Oh, looks like Ron hung up. Do you have a song-
Caller #4: Oh, I don't care! Pick something!
DJ: Well . . . that's it for tonight's show . . . Please join us tomorrow night on WHEX, Wizard Radio. I'll leave ya with a little Britney Spears. Here's "Toxic". Good night!
***
With a taste of your lips
I’m on a ride
You're toxic I'm slipping under
With a taste of a poison paradise
I’m addicted to you
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
And I love what you do
Don’t you know that you’re toxic
***
To be continued . . .
(And I apologise profusely for the Spears, I had to leave it on something . . . )
Dana